That was the statement that set me on this line of thought.
“That’s hegemony. You have a culture, it’s just invisible to you,” the person I was talking to replied. He’s American. Apparently that’s a pretty common attitude in the US. People thinking they don’t have a culture, because US culture is so omnipresent and dominant it just registers as default.
I’m not from the US. I’m German. And while Germany has a lot of political and financial power, any cultural hegemony it used to have has been thoroughly dismantled - and for good reason! I think it would be great if other genocidal Imperialist regimes had been treated like that. But Fascism and its consequences have left deep scars in German society. Usually, I think, when people think of German culture, they think of Bavaria - a region, that, all things considered, was left relatively unharmed because it’s been a distinct unified entity for much longer. Maybe you’d think of Berlin, or East German Socialism. You probably don’t think of the part of Germany where I live.
The German Kaiserreich, the first real German state, was founded in 1871 - just over 150 years ago. Before that, Germany was less a unified nation and more of a loosely connected federation. Each part very much had its own cultural history and identity, and could’ve become its own country. Only in the 19th century did a German national identity really form. And it only really lasted until the 1940s, when the Allies defeated the Nazis and instituted changes to stop anything similar happening again. To this day, expressions of national pride are frequently frowned upon, and, again, all for good reason. But this all means, that, compared to most countries, Germany doesn’t have much of a common culture, and what it does have is often shared with Austria, Switzerland, even Belgium. It’s not nonexistent, but it’s ephemeral. Instead, we have local culture. Where I live, Karnival is a huge cultural institution. But I never quite got access to that. My mom’s family comes from Berlin, My dad’s comes from Düsseldorf, and I grew up around Cologne. Cologne and Düsseldorf are pretty close to eachother, geographically and culturally, but they are by no means the same. Cologne is Old. It was founded in Roman times, all the way back at the turn of the first millennium. It has a lot of history. Düsseldorf is, in all honesty, a poor imitation. It’s a modern, sprawling city built for cars, not people. Where Cologne is dense, built in hilly terrain, with a lot of verticality and an architecture and culture that is hostile to cars, Düsseldorf is wide. Big roads and big fields stretching on for miles. There’s a strong rivalry between the cities, so being torn between them already created barriers in gaining access to either. Also, my dad is a violent, manipulative pedophile and former leader of a local right-wing group and I fucking hate him. So any attempts of his to induct me into his experience bounced off of me hard and made me want to disassociate from anything connected to him as much as possible. I didn’t have an easy childhood - I was often socially isolated, and when I did talk to people I was generally surrounded by very culturally diverse groups, both in real life and online. So I’ve absorbed parts of many different cultures, but I never really felt at home in the place I’d grown up and still live. I feel like an outsider. I’ve literally pretended to be from another country at times, because at least then, people won’t expect me to be in the know. It’s an odd existence. Never quite feeling like I belong anywhere, to any group. Even queer culture is largely alien to me. I was never inducted into it, I mostly navigated transition on my own and largely kept my sexuality to myself.
I like cultures. I think they’re wonderful. I really wish I could belong to one. But I’m an adult now. The time kind of seems to have passed. Even if, I don’t know how I’d gain access to one. My speech incorporates many different languages, and I’m trying to learn more. My accent shifts, but it doesn’t sound German, usually. I take a lot of pride in that - it’s its own kind of achievement. Cologne kind of is a bit of a cultural melting pot. At least in that aspect, I feel it represents me. Particularly Turkish culture has been a big influence here recently. Germany in general has a large Turkish immigrant population, and it’s definitely added some much-needed flavour, much to the chagrin of bigots. Another big point of cultural exchange for Germany is Japan. At least judging by conversations I’ve had with friends, anime and manga seem to be quite a bit bigger here than in other countries. It’s literally significantly easier to find manga here than American comics. American cinema obviously dominates, as it does everywhere else, so it’s no contest there, but you do find shelves dedicated to anime and anime films being translated and shown in theatres pretty regularly.
One of my favourite characters in all of media is Soryu Asuka Langley from Neon Genesis Evangelion - for many reasons, but her (possibly not entirely intended?) seeming cultural alienation is definitely part of it. I see myself in her weird outsider’s understanding of Germany much moreso than in any actual German art. I’m learning to make this place feel like home, but I don’t think I’ll ever actually feel like I was born and raised here.
I think, with all the trauma I suffered, the knowledge of the horrors this country committed, less than a lifetime ago, against people, some of whom very similar to myself - queer people, disabled people - I kind of had to dissociate from that culture. And now I’m left finding my own path, my own identity, somewhere in the mess. Being nonbinary, otherkin, identifying sometimes as not human, not a person, not “real”, I sometimes even reject humanity as a whole, and the many social constructs we’ve constructed, but I’m glad there are groups out there that can show me a path forward, even if I never truly feel I belong to them. I’m a wanderer, crafting myself by picking up pieces along the road, never quite home, but not alone, not without identity, either.
Unlike maybe others, I wouldn’t have chosen this. I think culture is important. That history, that shared identity that I can feel and sometimes step into - it’s wonderful! It’s something truly extraordinary. Something Human. It has its dark sides for sure, but I absolutely lament the loss of many indigenous cultures that were all but wiped out by colonialism, pushed into obscurity and replaced with a new hegemony. It’s sickening. My country tried to do that, and it got quite far, but it was stopped, and held responsible. And now Poland is its own independent country again, and Israel exists. Other peoples didn’t get that lucky. And the powers who committed those atrocities still rule the world. It’s hard to believe in justice knowing that. It’s hard to believe humanity deserves to continue, knowing the horrors we do to our own kind. But not all humans are like that. The people who’ve suffered, who’ve struggled, who’ve still survived through it all - they’re human, too. And they deserve better. They deserve to carry on. To be remembered. To not have their culture die out, as it so often threatens to do. And that’s something worth fighting for, I think.
originally published November 20, 2022